Unfortunately, that was becoming much harder than I would have liked.Mostly because of a struggle I'd dealt with all my life - I'd rather bea girl.Or maybe I am a girl, forced to live a boy's life.Either way, it sucked.I failed at school so I was working a dead-end minimum wage job tryingto pay off my debt, and when I wasn't working I was hiding in my tinyapartment, without a friend to my name.So I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that I started to think about thatbridge, not as a way across the river, but as a way out of life.But I decided that if I was going to go out, I wanted to do it in style,as a girl.So I started figuring out how I could manage it.I started going to bridal shops and formal wear places, only to realizesuch an outfit was far beyond my means.Then I tried a costume shop, only to find out that with such an outfitrequired either a large cash deposit, or more often, a credit cardnumber as a damage deposit. both of which I didn't have.I downgraded my dreams, and looked. There were always revealing signs, “tells” that the bad guy wasn’t even aware of.Allison was telling me the truth as she believed it to be and wasn’t running a bluff. She was ready and willing to get back to the U.S., starting tomorrow morning, find someone to administer a test and have it done with. A psychopath might have been able to fool me, but I’d lived with Allison for many years. She couldn’t have hidden that kind of personality. So ... she was telling the truth about the sex thing.As we talked, I became convinced Allison was telling me the truth when we discussed how she’d drifted into a state of mind wherein her total focus was on her professional life to the detriment of her family, and marriage. She said she just didn’t know why it had happened. She was perfectly willing to find out; she was ready to go into counseling to determine the reason if I really wanted to know, but she wasn’t terribly concerned about it. She just didn’t care why she withdrew from her daughters.
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